Building Your Modern Village: 5 Tips for Finding Your People When You Feel Isolated

Written By Vanessa Saleh

Three years ago, my life changed forever—I became a mom. In those early days, I had maybe one friend who’d brave the trenches of new motherhood with me. But the truth is, my “village” was practically non-existent. The people I could rely on were either unavailable or—let’s be real—just too toxic to let into my life. I was drowning, barely staying afloat with my husband beside me, both of us just trying to survive.

Fast forward to today, and I finally have a support circle I can lean on. But here’s the thing: 75% of my “village” are people I connect with virtually most of the year. That’s right. Because in today’s world, especially for new moms, the “village” doesn’t look like it did for generations before us. We have to actively build it, sometimes across miles, time zones, or screens.

If you’re out there feeling isolated, or just wondering where to start, I’ve been there. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. Here are 5 tips to help you build your own support circle, whether you’re a new mom, going through a big life change, or just needing solid, dependable friendships.

1. Start Small but Start Somewhere

Sometimes, making friends feels like a massive undertaking, especially if you're exhausted. The trick? Start with small steps. Say hi to another mom at the park, or join a local group with just one meetup a month. You don’t need to go all out—just start somewhere. Consistency builds trust, and even a small gesture can lead to lasting connections.

Pro Tip: Try joining online groups or communities dedicated to your interests or challenges. Sometimes, a small online community can be easier to navigate and surprisingly impactful.

2. Go Virtual—Your Support Doesn’t Have to Be Local

In today’s world, your village can be anywhere. Don’t underestimate the power of online friendships, especially if you’re busy or homebound. Join virtual support groups, Facebook communities, or even find a few like-minded friends on Instagram. A well-timed voice memo or FaceTime call from a friend, even hundreds of miles away, can make you feel seen and supported.

Pro Tip: Look for virtual mom groups, forums like reddit or Facebook groups

3. Embrace the Concept of “Friend Dates”

Treat building friendships like dating—sometimes, you need to “try people on” to see if they’re a good fit. Don’t be afraid to invite someone for coffee, a walk, or a quick playdate if you’re both parents. If the chemistry isn’t there, it’s okay to move on. Friendships take time and some trial and error.

Pro Tip: Don’t stress if it doesn’t click right away. Just like dating, building a support circle means putting yourself out there and embracing the ups and downs.

4. Be the Friend You’re Looking For

Creating a village starts with being the type of friend you’d want in your life. Reach out first, listen without judgment, and be genuine. Sometimes, when we’re struggling, it’s easy to think, “Why isn’t anyone checking on me?” But making that first move yourself can lead to a beautiful connection.

Pro Tip: Send a “just thinking of you” text or check in with someone who seems to need a friend. Being that person opens the door for mutual support.

5. Set Boundaries and Know When to Walk Away

Not everyone who enters your life deserves a place in your village. Some people may be more draining than supportive, and that’s okay to recognize. Set boundaries and only keep relationships that genuinely make you feel seen and valued. Your village should lift you up, not weigh you down.

Pro Tip: Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. A healthy support system should feel empowering, not exhausting.

Building your village may not happen overnight, but remember, you’re not alone in this journey. If you’re feeling lost, isolated, or just in need of real connections, keep trying. The right people will come into your life, often in unexpected ways. Until then, hold onto these tips and know that your village might be closer than you think—even if it’s a virtual one. 💖

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Vanessa Saleh
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